By Andy Lindberg
Mr. Sheen, today there were NCAA basketball games on TV, did you watch any?
What were the results of those games?
Note to the reader, Charlie Sheen was not at all interviewed by me for this recap, but if he was, that’s probably how it would have gone. As a tribute, I’ll be quoting Sheen and his “bi-winning” insanity throughout this article.
Butler’s Shelvin Mack was tired of pretending like he wasn’t a total frickin’ rock star from Mars with his 27 points in a win over Florida. That’s the stat of the day, wee children.
It’s probably safe to say that Mr. Mack was in beast mode. The game went to overtime as 8th seeded Butler Bulldogs continued it’s rambling plethora of upsets so far in the tournament. They’re not ranked low enough to call them giant-killers by any means, but they’re most assuredly connoisseurs of the upset. I mean, c’mon, bro; they’ve got tiger blood.
Someone needs to unplug Kemba Walker’s brain because dude, can’t handle it. Does that make sense? Not really, but a good Sheen-ism rarely does. UCONN was bangin’ seven-gram rocks on Arizona, because that’s how they roll. With 1 seed Ohio State out of the picture, one wonders if this UCONN team is trying to mack on a championship again. They’ve been unstoppable since the Big East tourney.
Guard Jeremy Lamb had 19 points off the bench for the Huskies and Walker wasn’t aggressive, he was dominant with 20. Apparently UCONN loves to party, but what’s not to love? Arizona made a valiant attempt at a comeback––(I love how we as “sportswriters” must resort consistently to the most archaic and regal phrases to convey anything in sports)––but the attempt fell short is it just feels like it’s UCONN’s year to a certain extent. Kemba needs a time-out from his goddesses and he’s on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen.
Looking ahead to tomorrow, the winner (winning!) of UNC and Kentucky will face UCONN in the Final Four. Also on deck, Kansas tries to become the only #1 seed to be a warlock and do its job against 11th ranked VCU on their way to, in all likelihood, lose to Butler. Seriously now, Butler’s an F-18, bro. And they will destroy teams in the air. They will deploy their ordinance to the ground as well.
For those of you who were wondering, last week’s matchup between Wile E. Coyote and The Roadrunner did not go in Coyote’s favor. It never does. The Roadrunner’s an F-18, bro.
Count the Sheen-isms!